For those who've been stalking my Instagram over the past three weeks, you know there has been some bumps but I haven't been completely honest; there were lots and lots of bumps.
In February this year, I surpassed my goal weight of 129lbs and over summer I slowly put on about 5lbs just from it being summer, putting me back to my goal weight of 129lbs which is still okay.
I was at my happiest and skinniest in about February time this year and felt okay over summer, still working out and eating clean as much as possible.
At the beginning of September, a week before I went to university for my second year, something bad happened which got my head spinning and every night I would binge out. When I went to university, I felt okay, I felt like my body was rewarding me and not letting me put the weight on.
For the two weeks after that, I was a freshers helper at my university which involved me getting drunk every night and getting free pizza every day.
The binges were not as bad as they could have been because I was still health concious and there were days when I said no to pizza and no to alcohol and ate well but the majority of the time I was enjoying myself, and I now understand that is okay. I was expecting this and I was expecting to put a little weight back on so that was okay but as I sat, a week ago, three weeks in to pizza, alcohol and chocolate I felt and saw the weight. There are times when I just sat and cried because I felt like I'd wasted two years of my life in two weeks.
Now, as I sit a week later, I've drunk over 4 litres of water every day, ate clean and worked out (not as much as I could have as I'm still a little bit lazy hehe) I feel a lot better.
At the beginning of this week I literally felt hopeless and lonely and helpless, it was a disgusting, disgusting feeling. For the first couple of days of getting back to clean, I struggled a lot and was so so so so close to reaching for cereal or picking up chocolate in Tesco but I didn't, and because I didn't, I sit now fifty times happier than I was.
I'm writing this blog post to say that if at this moment you feel helpless, you feel like you are never going to get skinny, you feel like no guy will ever look at you, you feel lonely, you feel like nothing good will ever happen, you feel like you will never make progress, you feel like people stare at you at the gym because you're too fat to be there, I AM HERE TO TELL YOU I WAS THERE, I FELT THAT WAY AND I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IT GET'S BETTER, ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE IN YOUR HEAD AND YOU WILL MAKE PROGRESS, YOU WILL GET BETTER, YOU JUST NEED TO WORK FOR IT TODAY.
You need to put down the chocolate TODAY, you need to pick up fruit and vegetables instead.
You need to go and workout TODAY, NOT tomorrow, you are only one workout away from a good mood, I promise you.
That week when I felt down my stomach kept saying start tomorrow but I knew in my head that I needed to start TODAY in order to get progress and I did.
I'm going to be honest and say last week I weighed myself and I was back at 140lbs, I am going to weigh myself every two weeks to see my progress and I AM going to get back down to 125lbs, when I was at my happiest and I know it will not take me as long as I might think.
You must think postively. You must start today. You must believe in yourself.
You need to trust the process and know that it might take some time, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT.
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